I don’t know where to begin, how do you move on? I’ve spent almost 6 years with an amazing woman who has always put myself and our children first and has never done anything wrong to our relationship. I’ve made some big mistakes in the past, and yet she always was the one to stick by me.
We had a Son together, we got married and we should have been happy. Instead we lost that passion. I can honestly say that I do still love her and I probably always will. I’ve never known someone to stick by through thick and thin, yet she was the one and for some reason, I kept pushing her away.
Now it’s got to the point where we think we should move on, but how do you do that? I have so many happy memories, I still think about her, want to just talk to her, want to see her but it’s hard to not do that. She was my best friend and I just took everything we had for granted. I’m stuck, I don’t want to move forward because I am afraid. I’m afraid that if I make that decision to move on that means letting go yet I want to keep holding on. I don’t want to lose what we had for good, but it is also hurting us by holding on.
What we had, no matter how bad it was, it always worked. It was quite a strange dynamic but it was ours. It is kind of like Dr. Cox and Jordan’s relationship on the TV show Scrubs. I guess I can relate to the narcissist trait Dr. Cox has in the show, some of which are:
- Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
- Difficulty with empathy
- Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
- Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them
- Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
- Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
Despite Dr Cox and Jordan’s bickering, arguing and on-again-off-again relationship (even when they get a divorce), they do know that when they are together, it is right, feels right and they do have fun. This is why they end up back together, because as crazy as it seems from another perspective, their relationship works for them.
This is what our relationship is like, or how I feel it is. It works for us, and I do still miss it. One day (who knows), maybe we will find each other again, and if we do I will make sure that I focus on the little things, the things that matter. I am starting to see that there are more important things in life than a house, a car e.t.c. it is family. It’s something that I had, something that I loved, yet something that I also ruined (read narcissism).
I would and still do want back what I lost, and I hope one day that I can find that again.